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Thursday, 10 May 2012

12 Point Plan To Win Glasgow City Council

A variety of pointers will have been picked up by other political parties who may wish to emulate Labour's admirable success in securing a majority on Glasgow City Council in future elections.

1. Make threats against people who have the temerity to display SNP window posters on your 'patch'.

2. Promise to fix potholes in roads you have left to deteriorate over 40 years.

3. Harangue old ladies at their own doors by chastising them that the 'Nats have filled yer heid wi' rubbish'.

4. Promise free wi-fi for everyone.

5. Tell Rangers fans that the SNP are working hard to secure the Catholic vote.

6. Tell Celtic fans that Alex Salmond intervened with HMRC to try and get a 'sweet deal' for Rangers.

7. Tell both Rangers & Celtic fans that the Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications (Scotland) Act 2012 is a SNP attack on over one hundred years of working class tradition by middle class Tartan Tories.

8. Claim the council elections are about local issues for local people while reminding everyone that you're all about protecting the Union.

9. Seek assistance from friends, like the Orange Order. Tell them about #5. Don't tell them about #6.

10. Work hard to get impressive postal vote results.

11. Make repeated spurious accusations against main opponent in period immediately prior to election. Ask more friends in broadcasting and press to help with this.

12. If any of the above is uncovered during or after election period, ask friends in media to ignore.

1 comment:

  1. Where have you gone? Love your comments, one back!